Agile is not a thing that can fuck you.

People, on the other hand, can treat agile as if it were a defined process. (It is not.) If those people are in a position of authority over your work, then that fucks you. Many people are being fucked this way right now.

I don't see agile (or Agile—same thing) as a thing that runs around getting in your way, but rather an idea that you can use or not use. I see it as the pursuit of sustained early earned value, also known as Cash In My PocketSM. I suppose that could fuck you, if you really needed to maximise long-term investment and had all kinds of extra cash lying around, but it certainly seems relatively unlikely. Most companies, most of the time, benefit from some extra Cash In Their PocketSM.

You can stop worrying now about agile fucking you and get back to a real problem: worrying about the people in a position of authority over your work imposing a poorly-understood, defined process on you in order to subtly control you. That sounds awful. You should do something about that. If only you could actually try agile, that might really help.

Want people to stop fucking you? Need help? Start here with a question.